She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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