dude i'm inner monologue high
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
