ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
