HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
