I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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