I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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