is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
