There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
