And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Everything about him screamed your future.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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