dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
