I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
