My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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