ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
