if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This is my gift to your gina
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
