i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
