isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
