Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
