there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
