Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
