I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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