Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
