There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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