hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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