he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
