Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hippo gnu deer
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
