Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
