Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
