This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is Oprah even human
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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