our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
