Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You smell like stripper and shame
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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