Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
