Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
