dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
