So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
