you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
