we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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