If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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