checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
