i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize