If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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