That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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