Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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