If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
