I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
