She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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