Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
