woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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