Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
