please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
