ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
