i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
