The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We have started to decorate penises.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
