oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
