We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My feet surprised me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
