thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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