Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
