I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
