I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
