So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize