If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
