U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
