I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
