dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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