someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
