I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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