i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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