Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
