well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
