Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
