if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
