It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
